dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
