He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
