I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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