You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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