I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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