I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
