How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
