Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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