Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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