new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You pole danced in your parka.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
