well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
there's paper in my vomit.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
