I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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