dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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