I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
