My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
