Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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