He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize