"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
