Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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