1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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