we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
why do cheetos always look like penises
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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