I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
