yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
someone owes me an orgasm
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Who died my cat blue again?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
