i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
