Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
