I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
