All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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