my mouth tastes like poor choices
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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