I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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