i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
