there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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