I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
