Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
