Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
