There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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