Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
