eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
