oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
