I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
