I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
