Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
