So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
