The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
