I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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