The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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