I puked a lego.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
