Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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