Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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