Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
