My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
