I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize