Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
