Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
