i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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