I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
