i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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