best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
