even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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