I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
