I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
