so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
