32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
