I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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