he puts the penis in happiness.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
