Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
