I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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