At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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