i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
