I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
