I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
