after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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