i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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