they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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