Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize