So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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