Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
