There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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