his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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