Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
