3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
His hands were made for my vagina.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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