Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
