My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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