I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
