then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize