you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Enjoy the penises
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
