That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
