Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
