we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Never underestimate the power of titties
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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