So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
