we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
