Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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