Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
