Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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