I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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