Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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