No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
