It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
