worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
