She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize