i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just invented taco cereal.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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