Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
