I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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