I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
