im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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